Christmas day on the croft

The cats are on the hay bales

the mice are fast asleep

The dogs are in the byre

eyeing up the sheep

it's Christmas on the croft

all good will and peace




the crofter he's in a mood

the drinkers are just ice

the tractor will not start

after swearing at it twice

nothing in the mart

reached the reserve price




there is no agricultural rep

knocking at the door

no accountants letters in the post

or tax breaks to explore

with this Christmas day reflection

peace is restored once more

this years present request

Baffled by present requests

Santa went to see

the scenic meandering rivers

flowing to the sea

full of raw sewage

and a hint of dysentery




they all want water filters

to purify and clean

and tablets to sanitise

knowing where the water's been

and the strongest coffee

with fortified caffeine

Santa of the croft

The night before Christmas

when the croft is asleep

laden with a heavy sack

around the beds he'll creep

filling socks with presents

that no one will keep




the year was long an arduous

full of woe and fears

so he'll be liberal with the baler twine

and brand new dagging shears

although they wanted bicycles

with a multitude of gears




there will be gifts for the artist

that loves to paint each day

they have got a brush and hoof oil

and a can of purple spray

to spray the feet of livestock

in a most artistic way




the deliveries are completed

the last place he'll pop in

the mister scruffy farm office

miss neat and tidy calls a sin

to admire the fruits of hedgerows

in some fortified sloe gin

Christmas goats

If you wake at midnight

hear the cloven hooves fly

don't draw back the curtains

let them pass you by

for they are just the Christmas goats

with a twinkle in their eye

looking for a handy tree

to nibble bye and bye




they will bring you presents

more that you can yearn

there is butter a making

from the milk within the churn

and there is cheese aplenty

from the Christmas fern

and probiotic yogurt

giving microbes a good turn