Monday, December 26, 2022
Tuesday, December 13, 2022
crofter in a merry mood
The crofter is in a merry mood
the same stock as last year
found a use for unsold barley
in a vat of home made beer
filling in his stock returns
with an artistic flourish
wondering why he is so poor
with a population to nourish
writing out his Christmas cards
not delivered due to strike
his greetings on a social site
didn't get a like
the stockings are full this year
most of it is wrapping
politicians so love the farmers
one day we'll hear them clapping
rich man and the crofter
The rich man drinks champagne
from new crystal flute
the middling folk get after shave
of Fabergé or Brut
the crofter wears an old wool sweater
under a John Dere boiler suit
the rich folk have a portfolio
of investments and shares
the middling folk go to winter sales
for new settee and chairs
the crofter fixes what must be fixed
from a byre of assorted spares
the rich man is suicidal
with all shares in decline
the middling folk are redundant
for work they stand in line
the crofter is crofting as normal
now folks say he's doing fine
Friday, September 9, 2022
a day at the mart
Hill Farmer George in a rush
Stopped to say hello
"Nice to see you crofter
But I really have to go
Lambs in the auction mart
I seem to have some luck
But there is a line of creditors
That I will have to duck
.
The corn merchant is first in line
A man I really hate
Only half the certified seed
Managed to germinate
For the agricultural mechanic
The payment's in the mail
Machines that work fine all year
But at harvest time they fail
.
I must avoid the agrochemical rep
With his weed free land proposal
All the chemicals are now dangerous
And I pay for their disposal
Pass my regards as you pass
To the man from the ministry
That pay corporate landowners
And gives bugger all to me
.
"You’ll be off to the bank manager
To deposit before withdrawal?"
"He’s the one I try to avoid
The biggest crook of all
He extends the overdraft
When things are all plain sailing
Then doubles the interest rate
To keep me on the cusp of failing"
.
Off to the mart canteen
To enjoy a well-earned snack
To buy a bacon sandwich
With Danish on the back
Everywhere I look
I see food that’s been imported
Poor farmer George will stay poor
Till cheap imports have been sorted
Monday, April 11, 2022
Blind trust
When a rich Member of parliament enters the government all his business dealings are placed in a blind trust, so he will not be swayed or corrupted.
Most blind trusts are hedge funds. Hedge funds love wars, shortages, oil, gas, power generation, and off shore tax havens. Any investment that can make them rich.
for example.
The O2 Arena. During lockdown can not generate income, but as a Nightingale hospital that is never used and funded by government (NHS budget) it can generate £2M in rent (nice one Jacob).
I do not want the corrupt MP that made a stonking illegal fortune at the expense of others to loose out. I want them to prosper, not to be disadvantaged by loyal service.
What I propose is that all the MPs income and investments, should be used to buy government 4 year bonds. They will get a fixed rate of interest. The country will benefit, and more to the point any decisions made by government will be in the best interest of a peaceful country.
Worth putting to a vote?
Monday, February 14, 2022
this valentine
I bought my love an opinel knife
and some baler twine
It's what a crofter always needs
so thought it should be fine
on old feed sacks drew some hearts
the colour looked divine
so I thought I was prepared
to impress this valentine
Her response was less than expected
and her language unrefined
Friday, February 4, 2022
urine extraction
At the start of the pandemic when testing was expensive and infrequent, Northumbria water found a way to detect Covid 19 in sewage. This was promising, but needed work and investment. The water company could identify which sewage plant had the infection but could not pin it down to a district, street, house, or even a person.
A trial urine sampling system was urgently needed. A suggestion was made that a urine extraction system could be developed to test urine in key locations but it would need to be trialled, and also a blind trial to run concurrently, but how and on whom.
Fit young persons would be preferable so they looked at universities. It is true that students would do anything for a bob or two, but being kept on campus to pass urine for examination, for no reward would not go down well. Being stuck on campus had already proved to be unpopular.
It was at this stage that the Prime Minister intervened. He recommended the trial should be conducted on the Government, and Government staff. If no one was told it could be a blind, and an active test. The government also had a range of age groups so the results would reflect the general population better. Once they agreed that the Government should be the guinea pig, there was a need for utmost secrecy. All government employees had signed the official secrets act.
In the basement of Downing street a urine extraction system and testing laboratory was constructed. This was done under the pretext of a redecoration. All sewage ran through the testing site. The amount of sewage became a concern as it barely covered the minimum amount required. They needed to increase the flow, a greater need to extract the urine
It was suggested that coffee, and tea were a mild diuretic if given free, and at a good quality it would reduce staff using flasks of water. The urine increased but not sufficiently. Alcohol would be better but not too much and not all the time.
A number of work related social gatherings were organised. To ensure secrecy the events took place in the rose garden, a site renowned for the passing of bullshit. If wet the new conference centre could be used. This improved the urine extraction considerably.
Evaluation of the testing material was well underway when there was a leak (excuse the pun). The public became aware of the urine extraction events, held behind closed doors and there was outrage.
The prime Minister tried distraction, It didn't work.
He tried blaming the media. It didn't work
He tried being sorry, forget it and move on. It didn't work
He could not raise false expectations so set up an enquiry by Sue Gray to smooth things over. Sue would give the details of her findings to the PM. The PM would obviously tell her where to look, and where not to. Sue Gray being appointed to the task will not be able to return to her job after the report so must be elevated to the house of lords.
There is the nub. What can she be called. A straw poll of the Clapham omnibus indicated the public wanted her called Lady Gray of sleazy Mac Sleaze face. This clearly will not do. Other suggestions are Dame Sue Tundish Gray of Twyford, Dame Sue catheter Gray of Armitage Shanks, Lady Lapee Gray and Madame Duchamp ( a suggestion from the arts council). All of which make sleazy mac sleaze face attractive. The decision is of course left with Sue Gray, as in all matter she will have the last word.
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