custody list

The duty custody Sargent

looked down at the list

of all the respected profession

that drove when they were pissed.

Knowing the driving licence

will be sadly missed





The duty staff are knocking doors

bearers of sad news

loved ones killed by driving drunks

or were drug abused

leaving Christmas shattered

distraught and so confused





drinks companies advertise well

a paper double spread

all the joys of drinking

not the lives destroyed or dead

violent drunks fill the casualty wards

looking for a bed

what a father had for Christmas

You want the things your father had

when he was a boy

although all food was nutritious

he didn't have a toy

all folk of working age

had pensionable employ





Each family had a dentist

doctors called out at night

you were paid when you were sick

you didn't have to fight

the friendliest of optician

always saw you right





all shops , clubs and pubs closed

all of Christmas day

winter sales were in January

for the pounds that got away

families played silly games

or went out to play

AI for cards

Using AI for Christmas cards

programmed to do rhyme

with predictive text

completing every line

It's so labour saving

bound to save some seconds

crofters presents

The crofter has his Christmas presents

same as last year

he dropped hints of new welly boots

and ovies from John Dere.

If he had just what he used the most

life would be so fine

so he'll get a roll of duck tape

a knife and bailer twine

Santa has a list?

Santa has got a list

from farmers in a drought

another list from those in flood

that need help bailing out





this year he will be helpful

already made a start

stock sent off for slaughter

fetched a good price at the mart





all seeds will germinate

and growing season benign

Barley will be malting grade

and easy to combine





of course there is no Santa Claus

and no farmers believe

just some greedy bankers

laughing up their sleeve

winter joy?

There is joy, in towns and cities

for Christmas there'll be snow

despondency in the country side

where townies never go





they don't have stock to keep

through long winter nights

hands all cracked and bleeding

and taps all frozen tight





as the snow lays thicker

Townies can't get about

there is no deliveries

and the fuel runs out





then they think of farmers

with tractors and a snow plough

they'll wish farmers merry Christmas

and appreciate them now