Tales from the pig sty :- animal farm

Boris and Trump in the sun

The first warming rays of sunlight, rose over Holy island. and fell on the backs of two sleeping Tamworth pigs, Boris and Trump.

“You awake?”said Boris

“Am now, I was having a tremendous dream, like you've never seen before, truly great.”

“What was it about?”

“When pigs were great again, truly great. Had their own land and a great wall.”

“I was told a story about that, pigs being great and all. They ruled the farm, had all animals working for them.”

“True story was it , no fake story, like fake news?”

“Think it was true, the humans wrote a book about it, and called it Animal Farm.”

“Was I in the story?” asked Trump

“Not sure” said Boris, but then his memory was never that great, he tended to forget things and move on.

“where was this farm?”

“Don't know?”

“Well were they Tamworth pigs, Tamworth are the greatest pigs, best ever, the world would be a better place if all pigs were Tamworth, and lived in Great Tamworthshire, like here.”

“I think this is North Northumberland.” said Boris, not wishing to argue.

“Look we are here, we are Tamworths, so this must be North Northtamworthland, because we are here.”

“If you say so Trump, you are so clever, just like Napoleon.”

“Napoleon, I'm not a goat.”

“ No not the goat, the king of pigs, in Animal farm, a real hero. The humans must have called that goat Napoleon after him. They do that sort of thing.”

“This Napoleon, Tamworth was he?”

“I think he was a large white?”

“Fake news.” said Trump

“The humans named counties after pigs, like Berkshire, Gloucester old spot, Tamworth.”

“What about the lop and middle white?”

“Obviously from Lopshire and Middleshire. Have you heard of a Whiteshire, so must be fake news.”

“Wiltshire, you know our crofter is dyslexic, so he could have spelt it wrong. Or Napoleon could have been an albino Tamworth. You have a patch of white on your side.”

“That's not white ,it's where I rub against the fence.” said Trump

“I don't think Napoleon had a wall.” said Boris

Trump stretched out blocking the suns rays from Boris.

“Breakfast is late” said Boris “Do you think anything could have happened to the crofter, what if he never turns up again, how will we get fed?”

“Stop panicking, Trust me I will summon him.” Trump gave a loud roar

Nothing happened.

“I must of roared too loud” said Trump, “we shall have to wait until the crofter has got over his fear. I roared like never before, it will be too much for him.”

“Napoleon never roared.” said Boris

“This Napoleon with no wall, what did he do.”

“He didn't need a wall because no one was there to keep him in. He could go where ever he pleased.”

“Hum” said Trump “It sounds like your Napoleon had nothing worth taking.”

“Why do you tell me to find a way out. Look for a hole in the fence. Dig under the fencing, why, if you don't want to get out.”

“This land is Tamworthshire, every one wants it, trust me. When we came here it was just weeds and grass. Now look at it, a work of art. You will not find anywhere on the croft with so many muddy wallows, upturned stones and even some boulders. What about those rusty bits of tractor, the Crofter soon recovered them. I have decided you can stop finding a way out, but must mound up the earth by the fence, build a wall. Build a pig wall like you have never seen before. It will be great, huge and bigly.”

“Napoleon ruled all the animals.”

“Yeah and did they thrive.”

“No, not really, they all worked hard and died from starvation.”

“That's why we will build a wall. We don't have the food to share with others, pigs first. We will put an embargo on all food leaving Tamworthshire. No trade agreements. Pigs first.”

“But we don't have any food. The crofter hasn't come.”

“This will be our first action, when he comes we attack, snatch all the food, show him whose boss.”

“Hear piggy piggy” shouted the crofter as he filled the feeder with juicy apples and pig nuts.

Trump and Boris fed hungrily.

When finished they came to the fence for an ear scratch.

“There, you like that don't you boys.” said the crofter rubbing behind the ears.