Boris
and Trump in the sun
The first
warming rays of sunlight, rose over Holy island. and fell on the
backs of two sleeping Tamworth pigs, Boris and Trump.
“You
awake?”said Boris
“Am now,
I was having a tremendous dream, like you've never seen before, truly
great.”
“What
was it about?”
“When
pigs were great again, truly great. Had their own land and a great
wall.”
“I was
told a story about that, pigs being great and all. They ruled the
farm, had all animals working for them.”
“True
story was it , no fake story, like fake news?”
“Think
it was true, the humans wrote a book about it, and called it Animal
Farm.”
“Was I
in the story?” asked Trump
“Not
sure” said Boris, but then his memory was never that great, he
tended to forget things and move on.
“where
was this farm?”
“Don't
know?”
“Well
were they Tamworth pigs, Tamworth are the greatest pigs, best ever,
the world would be a better place if all pigs were Tamworth, and
lived in Great Tamworthshire, like here.”
“I think
this is North Northumberland.” said Boris, not wishing to argue.
“Look we
are here, we are Tamworths, so this must be North Northtamworthland,
because we are here.”
“If you
say so Trump, you are so clever, just like Napoleon.”
“Napoleon,
I'm not a goat.”
“ No not
the goat, the king of pigs, in Animal farm, a real hero. The humans
must have called that goat Napoleon after him. They do that sort of
thing.”
“This
Napoleon, Tamworth was he?”
“I think
he was a large white?”
“Fake
news.” said Trump
“The
humans named counties after pigs, like Berkshire, Gloucester old
spot, Tamworth.”
“What
about the lop and middle white?”
“Obviously
from Lopshire and Middleshire. Have you heard of a Whiteshire, so
must be fake news.”
“Wiltshire,
you know our crofter is dyslexic, so he could have spelt it wrong. Or
Napoleon could have been an albino Tamworth. You have a patch of
white on your side.”
“That's
not white ,it's where I rub against the fence.” said Trump
“I don't
think Napoleon had a wall.” said Boris
Trump
stretched out blocking the suns rays from Boris.
“Breakfast
is late” said Boris “Do you think anything could have happened to
the crofter, what if he never turns up again, how will we get fed?”
“Stop
panicking, Trust me I will summon him.” Trump gave a loud roar
Nothing
happened.
“I must
of roared too loud” said Trump, “we shall have to wait until the
crofter has got over his fear. I roared like never before, it will be
too much for him.”
“Napoleon
never roared.” said Boris
“This
Napoleon with no wall, what did he do.”
“He
didn't need a wall because no one was there to keep him in. He could
go where ever he pleased.”
“Hum”
said Trump “It sounds like your Napoleon had nothing worth taking.”
“Why do
you tell me to find a way out. Look for a hole in the fence. Dig
under the fencing, why, if you don't want to get out.”
“This
land is Tamworthshire, every one wants it, trust me. When we came
here it was just weeds and grass. Now look at it, a work of art. You
will not find anywhere on the croft with so many muddy wallows,
upturned stones and even some boulders. What about those rusty bits
of tractor, the Crofter soon recovered them. I have decided you can
stop finding a way out, but must mound up the earth by the fence,
build a wall. Build a pig wall like you have never seen before. It
will be great, huge and bigly.”
“Napoleon
ruled all the animals.”
“Yeah
and did they thrive.”
“No, not
really, they all worked hard and died from starvation.”
“That's
why we will build a wall. We don't have the food to share with
others, pigs first. We will put an embargo on all food leaving
Tamworthshire. No trade agreements. Pigs first.”
“But we
don't have any food. The crofter hasn't come.”
“This
will be our first action, when he comes we attack, snatch all the
food, show him whose boss.”
“Hear
piggy piggy” shouted the crofter as he filled the feeder with juicy
apples and pig nuts.
Trump and
Boris fed hungrily.
When
finished they came to the fence for an ear scratch.
“There, you like that don't you boys.” said the crofter rubbing behind the
ears.
