farmers dating site

Jim brown the farmers son

can no longer go to town

so little chance of romance

or any future farmer Brown


Told to use the internet

but do it right

don't get fooled by scammer

on the internet dating site


He found a site, he liked the look

for rural country folk

but all the girls were townies

thought farming was a joke



then he saw a profile

the photograph concealed

said she had a horse

and a twenty acre field


said she liked book keeping

just love farm accounts

said she wants a helping hand

when from her horse dismounts



he wrote he'd like to meet her

if she has no other takers

and could she sent a photograph

of the twenty acres

fishing

In my distant childhood

behind my dad I trod

heading for the local stream

with a fishing rod


Never really caught much

but not a total disgrace

bringing home the minnow

Perch, Rudd, and Dace


time to hunter gather

now with covid austerity

break out the old fishing rod

and get a fish for tea


trekking up and down the stream

to the spot of my past

time to show my prowess

with a giant cast


the cast was disappointing

but it was my first try

then I remembered those wise words

to cast long you must cast high


each cast getting higher

hook arcing through the sky

tonight's tasty fish supper

will be starling and magpie

hill farmers prayer

Oh dear lord its me the farmer

down on my knees to pray

this time its not the weather

but I have some bills to pay


bills for the corn merchant

the banks overdraft demand

first it's BEXIT then it's Covid

they don't seem to understand


Sadly I know I that I must

send some stock off for slaughter

the lamb is now fully grown

the one owned by my daughter


the government has helped others

getting paid to do nowt all day

busy harvesting and bailing

only rain will cause delay


so please help this uphill farmer

until the wool cheque is in my hand

I may only put pennies in the collection

but I really need a couple of grand

Teviot smoke house

We are going to miss the smiles

the helpful cheerie folk

the cafe, the water gardens

and the products that you smoke




you were a welcome day out

for tourist and the old

the walk along the river bank

and warm cafe when it's cold




for all the staff and families

that did more than just serve

we hope have some good luck

and the happiness you deserve

lamming

Doors slammed shut with quite a sound
Children scattered for miles around
Sheep dogs scampered for their box
The only winner the hungry fox
.
Another lamming season in the hills
Where natures cares not who it kills
Favourite ewes and trusted friends
In cold heath land meet bitter end
.
Wives scatter or on best behaviour
Wishing all twins as the family saviour
Colostrum in bottles temperature right
Awake in the byre all through the night
.
Eye bags sagging deep and low
The sleepless shepherd to the pub will go
With other shepherds time is spent
Boasting lamming rates of hundred percent

accountant visit

Farmer Brown is off to town
the accountant to meet
with bin liner of invoices
and the odd receipt
browsing the grubby pages
and margins full of notes
written in Browns spider script
the action he promotes


the removal of battery hens
the compassionate will approve
bigger pens for the sows
and farrowing crates removed
the hens that go out to feed
at night have nesting box
the egg laying down on last year
thanks to a greedy fox


the malting barley failed the grade
now only used as feed
the wheat grown for the bakers
was not quite what they need
the beef and lamb at market
prices never soared
are well below expected
with cheap meat from abroad


the accountant said diversify
its the only thing to do
had he thought of ostrich
snake or kangaroo
as the accountant read on
he looked grave and ill
as he couldn't find any cash
that Brown could pay his bill

farmers year

Thick of head and over hung
The farmer greets the New Year
Contemplating what lies ahead
Through the optimistic fug of beer
.
January will be crisp and dry
The insect will die of cold
And I will get a good price
For store lambs I’ve sold
.
February on Valentines Day
The wife will be true to form
She’ll forgo the silly cards
For fingerless gloves so warm
.
March will be lamming time
Daylight will make them begin
They’ll not thinking of lamming at night
And give birth to healthy twins
.
April showers happen at night
And fall only where needed
It will not fall on barren soil
But only where I just seeded
.
May all fruit blossom will be out
Bees busy pollinating
They will do the fruit trees first
Although rape seed is waiting
.
June of the longest days
Tractors serviced due to mileage
Contract work floods in
After my two cuts of silage
.
July the grass tall and straight
All rain clouds stay away
All the grass is cut and baled
In succulent four day hay
.
August wheat is gathered in
The heating salesman cry
Combine harvester runs all day
And the wheat is storage dry
.
September main crop potatoes
Harvested more than I need
The potato buyers raise the bidding
To use my crop for seed
.
October sheep scab stays away
All sheep eager for the dip
The fruit trees picked and crated up
Delivered in one trip
.
November all cattle snug inside
And feast well on winter store
The air is clean as is the hay
With no bacterial spore
.
December with nights drawn in
And festivities in the air
Christmas trees fetch a good price
All green with no patches bare
.
From the window looking out
The farm track a muddy stream
Sheep call for feed in torrential rain
To shatter his hopeful dream