Christmas on the croft

t's Christmas on the croft
the family gather round
to look in awe at the luxuries
that the Pound shop has found

the bird is tough on carving
impossible to chew
it should of hung for another week
or made into stew

the pudding needs some cheap brandy
but there isn't any
so they've raided your secret hoard
and smothered it in Remy

board games for the afternoon
Monopoly takes the air
accusing eyes look scornfully
as you promised not to swear

Chocolates do the rounds again
Your favourites can't be seen
you're not fond of drinking coffee
so must love coffee cream?

from the byre is bleating
goat milking must be done
as you rush out for its sanctuary
to escape all the Christmas fun

silence descends on the family
suddenly they are board
you promise to enjoy this Christmas
as you'll spend all the rest abroad

farming year full of woe

The farming year is full of woe

With setback and reverse

You can’t afford the ills we have

Now comes blue tongue curse

The DEFRA yearly survey

That tumbles through the door

You see your well tended stock

is less than the year before

Chickens scratching up the land

Treasure seeking lot

Very few now lay an egg

And too thin for the pot

Poultry is a mugs game

But one day could be a winner

When Delia does a recipe

For roast fox Christmas dinner

cheese

The emperor was told that he had the world's finest cheese in his empire.


He called for the Chamberlain and told him to get some.
The Chamberlain went to the wise man.
The wise man told him a man called Huo made the best cheese in the empire and he lived somewhere up north in a remote hill top farm.
Next day the chamberlain set off to find the cheese ,with a large sack of gold, and something to bring the cheese back in.
After months of travel he found the village, and the head man said he would lead him to Huo's farm.


After a short formal greeting the Chamberlain asked to buy some cheese. Huo said he had no cheese for sale. Did he have any cheese? Huo said he had, but it was not for sale. He only made cheese for friends, and family, for special occasions. The cheese he has is for his grand daughters twelfth birthday. The chamberlain said he will buy the cheese and offered a quarter of the gold he was given. Huo refused to sell.
The Chamberlain said the cheese was for the Emperor, that rules the whole of the empire, including Huo's farm. If he would not sell then they would take the cheese, Huo's farm, and kill his livestock.
Huo gave him the cheese. The Chamberlain offered to pay him for it, but Huo refused the gold , saying he never dealt with thieves, even imperial ones.


The Chamberlain put the cheese in a red silk bag. The bag had Gold cord drawstrings and the imperial crest in gold. He placed the bag in a solid gold box, encrusted of rubies and emeralds. The box was placed in an ebony and ivory carrying case, and this was placed in a teak carriage trunk.


On the way back to the Emperor, the Chamberlain had the teak trunk engraved with depictions of his epic journey. which did not show where Huo's farm was, or the hills around the village.


The Emperor thanked the Chamberlain and said he would reward him in the morning.
That night the Chamberlain died, from a fever he encountered on his epic trip. The Chamberlain had no close next of kin, so all the money he stole from the Emperor was returned to the treasury.


The Emperor wanted to taste the cheese but if he ate it, he would no longer own the tastiest cheese in the world. He had the travelling trunk, ebony and ivory carrying case, the gold jewel encrusted box, and the cheese in a silk bag walled up in a cave behind the waterfall. The Cheese continued to decay and rot.


Huo made another cheese for the birthday. All the village, friends, family, and loved ones were invited to the grand daughters twelfth birthday party. When the granddaughter was born she was a sickly child. The physician said she would not live long enough to celebrate a twelfth birthday.


Huo divided the cheese up equally so all would have a piece. He placed the portions in bamboo leafed baskets and handed them every one.
They were told to smell the cheese. The aroma of the cheese mingled with the blossoms and flowers of the garden. It smelt divine.
They were told to listen. The sound of the birds and bees filled their ears and aided memory.
They were told to look about them. They soaked up the beauty of the garden, the smiling faces of Huo and his family, and the bright healthy eyes of the granddaughter.
Then they were told to eat. They ate the finest most exquisite cheese they had ever tasted.


It is not the meal that matters but who you share it with. Merry Christmas

Small is beautiful impressions of Fritz Schumacher

There's No Tomorrow (limits to growth & the future)

the farmers wife

The farmers wife is cleaning

that will come as no surprise

the mess caused by the farmer

doesn't register in his eyes

the tramping of clarty boots

that should be left outside

walks the recent hovered rug

with arrogance and pride

each day the constant battle

to separate and retain

a sanctum of tranquillity

far from the farms' domain

she logs in all the income

a piffling small amount

notes in horror the outgoings

from the farm account

she visits the local surgery

in confidence to discuss

a malfunction of some organ

but doesn't make a fuss

a phone call to the daughter

listening to her woe

of the city life an mounting debt

a wrong time to let her know

it's lambing and she is needed

her hands petite and thin

to grab the legs and shift the head

of lambs stuck within

she wonders if they will notice

the passing of her life

and can the farm continue

without the farmers wife

a day at the mart

Hill Farmer George in a rush

Stopped to say hello

"Nice to see you crofter

But I really have to go

Lambs in the auction mart

I seem to have some luck

But there is a line of creditors

That I will have to duck

.

The corn merchant is first in line

A man I really hate

Only half the certified seed

Managed to germinate

For the agricultural mechanic

The payment's in the mail

Machines that work fine all year

But at harvest time they fail

.

I must avoid the agrochemical rep

With his weed free land proposal

All the chemicals are now dangerous

And I pay for their disposal

Pass my regards as you pass

To the man from the ministry

That pay corporate landowners

And gives bugger all to me

.

"You’ll be off to the bank manager

To deposit before withdrawal?"

"He’s the one I try to avoid

The biggest crook of all

He extends the overdraft

When things are all plain sailing

Then doubles the interest rate

To keep me on the cusp of failing"

.

Off to the mart canteen

To enjoy a well earned snack

To buy a bacon sandwich

With Danish on the back

Every where I look

I see food that’s been imported

Poor farmer George will stay poor

Till cheap imports have been sorted

for you my son

lying on his deathbed
he calls for his son
I leave everything to you
you know what must be done
the son looked fondly at his dad
not knowing what to say
from now life would be serious
gone are days of play

gone are the fleeting windows
when you are debt free
gone are the days so idle
of leisure activity
gone are days of fancy cars
and friends that call for tea
to live life like a hermit
in abject poverty

he didn't much like livestock
cows, sheep or horse
so why can't he just sell up
or turn into a golf course
he hears the young lamb bleating
a bottle must be due
a cow is stuck in calving
that needs help to pull through

there is poultry at the back door
trying to get in
the seed corn is delivered
so ploughing must begin
he knows now the carefree youth
and money has sadly gone
scrabbling in the boot rack
to put his wellies on

Halloween hotel

Driving on a country road

on all hallows night

the darkest cloud came overhead

blocking out the light

the rain it fell in torrents

with lightning and thunder roar

up ahead a welcome sign

above a hotel door

I booked into a single room

it had an eerie smell

it hadn't been used for many years

as far as I could tell

but it was just for one night

what trouble could there be

unlike the violence of the city

from drug crazed humanity

outside the creatures of the night

gave out their mournful cry

as I reached for a bath towel

for my face and hair to dry

then all the lights went out

and darkness did befall

I pulled back the curtains

to let the moon light up the wall

in the eerie moonlight glow

strange shadows I could see

as it a flock of evil bats

were coming after me

a howling of a large dog

a horseman galloping by

soft muffled whispering

laboured fearful sigh

there was tapping at my window

a rattling of the door

ghostly bat like shadows

fluttering on the floor

beneath the wooden entrance door

a light begun to glow

and foot steps on the landing stairs

whom I did not know

then came the tapping on the door

the rattling of the key

the door creaking started to open

slowly in front of me

the night porter stood there

an oil lamp in his hand

he said there was a power cut

some lighting would be grand

the kitchen has an old coal range

and it has been lit

so there will be some hot food to have

if you could wait a bit

I thanked him most profusely

and as he closed the door

I noticed he made no shadow

to fall upon the floor

serfvice

I've waited and I've waited

for the parcel due

so phoned customer services

as advised to do

listening to music that once

had a tune or two

I've pressed all the buttons

that they told me to




so I sent them an email

about the serfvice that they lack

and promptly I received a email

in capitals and black

thanking me for the email

Although my spelling was slack

there is no F in service

they sent back to me

precisely that's my complaint

on that we can agree