Billy Goats Gruff

Three billy goats Gruff complained that there was not enough fresh weeds in the field.

The farmer not understanding bleat language, ignored them.

Big Billy Goat Gruff said “We can either go over that bridge into the farmers neighbours field or trash the farmers fencing.”

So they trashed the farmers fencing.

Next day they were still hungry so Big Billy Goat Gruff said “We can either go over that bridge into the farmers neighbours field or trash the farmers back door and spoil his brand new kitchen.”

So they trashed the back door and spoiled the kitchen

Next day they were still hungry so Big Billy goat Gruff said “We can either go over that bridge into the farmers neighbours field or starve to death and bleat continuously.”

Little Billy Goat Gruff asked “ Why can't we go across the bridge and get some food?”

“Because,” said Big Billy Goat Gruff “ that would be sensible and sensible is not in a goats job description.”

Middle Billy Goat Gruff said “why don't we vote on it?”

“What” said Big Billy Goat Gruff “If you have a referendum every time some one wants something, You'll be for ever voting, and never get time to eat. I have decided that Little Billy Goat Gruff should go over the bridge because he is always complaining.

Little Billy Goat Gruff went trip trap, trip trap, over the rickety bridge. When half way across up popped a troll.

“who is trip trapping over my bridge?”

“I” said Little Billy Goat Gruff. “I'm going to that lush pasture over the bridge.”

“This is my bridge and no one crosses it unless they pay.”

“I don't have any money, so I can't pay wont pay.”

“Then I shall have to eat you.”Said the Troll

“ That wouldn't be a good idea, it being the first of December. The farmer has just filled out his stock return to DEFRA stating he has 3 goats. If you eat one he would have to file an amendment and would not be happy. He would come for you. I will come back when I am well fed. You can eat me then, I will be much tastier.”

So Little Billy Goat Gruff went trip trap trip trap over the rickety bridge.

Middle Billy Goat Gruff saw Little Billy Goat Gruff up to his belly in doc leaves and pigging out. So he decided to go over the bridge.

Middle Billy Goat Gruff went trip trap, trip trap, over the rickety bridge. When half way across up popped a troll.

“who is trip trapping over my bridge?”

“I” said Middle Billy Goat Gruff. “I'm going to that lush pasture over the bridge.”

“This is my bridge and no one crosses it unless they pay.”

“I don't have any money, so I can't pay wont pay.”

“Then I shall have to eat you.”Said the Troll

“ That wouldn't be a good idea, I have a stock movement form stating that I am due to arrive in the next field in two minutes. If I don't arrive you will have to explain to the council why I did not arrive. I see you do not have the required stock disposal form so legally you can no eat me.

If I did not arrive the Council will come for you. I will come back when I am well fed. You can eat me then, I will be much tastier.”

So Middle Billy Goat Gruff went trip trap trip trap over the rickety bridge.

Big Billy Goat Gruff saw Middle Billy Goat Gruff and Little Billy Goat Gruff pigging out on lush weeds, and said “I'll have some of that.”

Big Billy Goat Gruff went trip trap, trip trap, over the rickety bridge. When half way across up popped a troll.

“who is trip trapping over my bridge?”

“I” said Big Billy Goat Gruff. “I'm going to that lush pasture over the bridge.”

“This is my bridge and no one crosses it unless they pay.”

“I don't have any money, so I can't pay wont pay.”

“Then I shall have to eat you.”Said the Troll

“I don't think that would be a good idea.” said big Billy Goat Gruff.

The Troll shook his head, he hates paperwork, and does not want to get involved with the authorities. “you can cross the bridge if you want.” said the Troll “how can anyone make a decent living with all this paperwork. I will eat you when you come back.”

So Big Billy Goat Gruff continued walking over the rickety bridge. Big Billy Goat Gruff tripped on a loose plank, fell down, and the whole bridge fell down. When the bridge fell down so did the Troll, and he also died.

Neither the Troll nor Big Billy Goat Gruff liked paperwork so didn't do a risk assessment. Their deaths were their own fault. Middle and Little Billy Goats Gruff didn't read the sign saying “Pesticide field trials do not enter.” Both died of poisoning.

The moral of the story. Why farm when you can work for the legislators.