morish

Scar face Scarlatti's last requests was handed to the judge. Scarlatti was due for execution in the morning and it was customary to grant one last request. However requesting something that was morish was not acceptable.

The war on drugs was being won. Class A, B and C drugs were almost extinct. The battle against morish indulgences was not so easy especially Brie. Penicillium camemberti bacteria was difficult to control. Prisoners had been known to soak sponges in milk and leave in a warm place until the white mould grew. A black market of Brie culture soon sprang up in all prisons. When prisoners put the warmed culture in the ventilation shafts the prison soon became a breeding ground. If they could not control morish products in prison how could they control it in the outside world?

The government took firm action and created a Morish Czar, with overreaching powers, but not too over reaching. Every action or idea must first receive political approval. The first action was to classify morish with a system of letters, Class A the most serious included Brie, Chocolate, Cheesecake, soufflé, and gateaux. Class B, sticky toffee pudding, ice cream, and Pavlova. Class C, Hobnobs, shortbread, Dundee cake, Selkirk bannocks and Border tart.

It was a known scientific fact that morish food is responsible for obesity. Obesity is the prime cause of diabetes, stroke, heart attack, bowl cancer, IBS, and listlessness(The prime cause of unemployment). Without morish food, the food industry need not invest in fancy packaging and brand identity. Brown paper sacks can be used for all vegetables as a carrot looks just like a carrot so no need to put it in a see through wrapper.

All morish food comes from abroad, i.e. chocolate and anything French. Strict border controls have to be enforced. Anything sounding foreign should be stopped and returned to country of origin. This rule came quite handy when dealing with Nigel Farage.

A crackdown was instigated on the organisers of morish food and advertising. Jamie Oliver, Delia Smith and Mary Berry were placed in special measures. A new quango was set up Offood to investigate reports of miss selling carob and sugar substitute. A special watchdog was set up under the education department to ensure all children, no matter what age or background receive wholesome bland food in school dinners. Fortunately considerable work had already been done with school dinners to ensure a bland conformity across the board. Even schools such as Harrow and Eton have been in the forefront with sago and tapioca. The most controversial area seems to be Marmite where half the population think it is a luxury indulgence, while the other think it should be used only in prison reform.

Great strides have been taken against morish food, which only leaves the problem of Scarface Scarlatti's last meal. The judge knew it could become a precedence. Finally a judgement was made. Scarlatti would be taken to a cell and injected with heroin. He would be allowed to snort two lines of cocaine before being given a portion of mousetrap cheese. He will be so far out of it, that he will not notice, or care, that the cheese is not Brie.